I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
