i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
