Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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