I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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