Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
