Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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