a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
