Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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