I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
