OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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