i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
