He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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