i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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