Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
