"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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