he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
