Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
