I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
