Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
