you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
