SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
