Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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