this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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