well I can't set my house on fire every night
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
