I think i peed on brittanys purse
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
