His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize