There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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