Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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