yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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