i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
