since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
