No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
