Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
