Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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