I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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