I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
