my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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