is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
