Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
