Pants 0. Shit 1.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
