does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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