3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
