I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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