so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
