Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
