also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
