Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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