I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
