Your mouth is God's brothel.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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