his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
