A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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