he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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