Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
