Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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