I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm just crazy horny about you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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