Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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