Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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