dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
