you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
