i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
