maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
