porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
