literally had 100 drinks last night.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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