Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The air taste purple.
Randomize
