I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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