Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
