I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She needs sedatives and a leash
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We need to get me chipped asap
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
