I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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