Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
