***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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