Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have fence marks all over my body
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
