I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
